"No Strings Attached".....

Now that’s when I have finally got it. I have finally understood that one look which transitioned into a glance and beautifully changed to a stare...those silly bets that engraved memories till eternity..
The moments truth that became facts for lives..Silence and still the conversations that happened reaffirms my convictions and intuitions...Conversations over the cup of teas that dissolved the "no strings attached" and binded all...
Its not that I had not undergone this infactuation phase earlier but it was stronger and different. No one pacified that place in my life...
Strong insulting statements to soft unspoken promises..the journey was not a cake walk..Especially When both breathe high ambitions..
The hide and seek we play and silly tests we both fall in prey.. The fear of loosing and the attitude of "no strings attached" makes me sit and smile gently and I reread -

 Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin

Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti

Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi

Kuch lafz hain woh maangti

Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh

Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh

Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai

Ahsas hi ahsas hai

Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti

Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai

Jiska pata tumko bhi hai

Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai

Duniya se bhi chupta nahin

Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai...    

God and his forms...

Robbed a pencil box and a classmate's bag, coz he was showing me down, when I was five and lied my parents, and they slapped me took me to school, made me apologize infront of the complete assembly..being a rich father's pampered girl, choosing the right direction..I walked the opposite way..it got so inculcated in me, that my wants became like a drug intoxication to me, until i got them...
Be it a car, a phone, any friend..If I had to get to get something or do something I had too and there was never any alternative for that..dunt know whether to blame my sun sign for it or my soul.. lavish bringing up and narrow escape worked as a tool and the practice of the same made me flawless in the same and it was soo in me, that it came naturally after a period of time, so, natural that i never realized in the intoxication the moral voices in head... A princes in my own world.. Never defined wrong or right.. Things were either my way or right..
As I grew up, the world instead of becoming a larger place, knitted better, n shrunk..those narrow escapes, those manipulations for intoxication of my wants n needs started making me loose things and people..but i never cared... though, not the courage but inner morality took a backseat and the fear n insecurity took the path to stand up for truth in bain.. but then god exists and has several forms and the sufferings started to surface..and today, it was the final hearing.. have lost a lot but none left with an impression but this one which has been made today, has overshadowed and has the vitality of all in one.. i am a sinner, but am amazed how i still had an angel loving me secretively, protecting me and now before leaving made me felt it's existence forever in a way that shook my morality, woke it  ...so, that i don't loose anything in life again.. what love !! what form !! I feel what's being torn and happy at the same time...Thank you angel.. As my commitment to u for lifetime or as a token for your sufferings, I will evolve as a better person, with a fair morality and truth ...!!
penning it here, accepting it here is just a vent..but i love u too my angel !! Forever.. though, trust is not what I will be able to rebuild..dad once told me "years to build it and seconds to ruin" .. #TeachingForLife #FirstTeacherParents 

In Pursuit of Happiness - Expressions n Me...

High on life, dreams, career oriented, deceived, restless ...I was ..

The gush of the high tides and the roar of the inner storm that was building a turmoil within me.. dis battle was a difficult one.. Felt like a warrior every day.. 

Then serenity touched me...  Not enforcing but influencing force.. 

Didn't temporarily cured me, but as a therapist healed me through...

Healed with it's power of tranquility, a soothing effect it left on me.. 

Not in a day but over months, and the power of healing was such immense that it sailed me through to resolve the turmoil, the dejection and be my self again .. 

That power doesn't needs any recognition or any marketing strategies to advertise.. 

as now, it' my alone.. simple, embodiment of fidelity and it's aura is magical.. 

It's  not a high profile addiction, it my essence of peace... 

It's not my life but the most beautiful part of me.. 

It gives me an unreasonable smile again, and keeping me to my roots, being myself.. 

I am in love with this power , this healing power which is now soo mine... 

Mine alone... I am marrying it, this divine power to  consummate my oneness with it forever... 

And this healing power is not being personified ...As it's too precious to be named here.. 

I love the way, you have made me yours and still letting me be "Me"..

And u r not "it" but best feeling should be felt and remain unspoken .. 

Thank you for making me alive again .. :) 

Me, Myself and Kanika

With a big smile on face..I roam around and a casual attitude I flaunt...

Inside a loner...

A loner who needs to be listened to but without words..

A loner who has to be taken care of but not made felt she is being taken care of..

Its difficult to be "Me" at times.. so random, so different and many a times unpredictable...

Sometimes I wish to be a free liberal bird who's horizons are way too high and sometimes a lil baby who wishes to stay in a protected shell..

Sometimes I yell, shout, abuse and laugh loud other times get into the blanket and sob..

A chirpy and irritating one sometimes and a quiet and sincere one at other..

A rough guy I dress up as sometimes and a peculiar gurl at others..

Movies, parties and night outs I crave for but a novel and myself I long for..

Naughty destructive brat who transforms to an obedient eldest child of the family in seconds and a playful kid in another few..

Me in different forms..Sometimes "me" confuses "me"..

Sometimes "me " makes me fall in love with "me" ..

Times "me" hates "me"..

but above all I wish to stay "me"..

Sleepy now...wish could write all night long ..pen down every though and every moment and get over with the storm that's building up inside ..

 

Tiumhi ho bandhu :) sakha tumhi..

Thousand words to say, but am quiet, Dunno where to start..Actually, dunno know what to write..
I dunno since when i have fell in love wid the quietness, Have no one around..
I have Changed for good or bad reasons but the beautiful thing about the change is that my wants are over..
It's beautiful when love for someone is dominant over the need for that person..Someone advised me once to  flow freely in the god's waves and i will get everything that's there in my destiny..
It is so amazing to have someone who is omnipresent, people say only god can be omnipresent but i disagree with this...
I feel good that i am able to listen to my heart and not my brain (As an experience, heart always have took the better decisions in life).
Life seems to be taking different turns and taking me to new directions, but i remember the point where i started, and as the world is not flat ..am, sure i will reach back to where i started upon completion of the journey..So, my dear ones please hang on there...God's just making me patient and wants me to wait for a while to be with you., I am just taking a walk around, because once i  return, and if i do not find you there..I will not force you to come back..
Always read.."Loving someone is magical if you do not expect in return" .. I use to wonder how this works as distance are bound to bring differences, but now as a grown individual and i understand the significance of the quote.. The only difficult part is when we stop giving love..I tried that for sometime and then realized the way it worsened things..So, eventually took a break from the fast paced life and decided to provide love to you forever as it keeps me healthy and fit..
Time changes and so does the reasons for happiness..A phone that made you smile earlier, may not bring the smile now..but then there is another phone that is bringing that smile back.. Evermore, Your smile is CONSTANT..That's what matters..!!
I have decided to be a happy individual who will keep giving love, because that is the only way that keeps me going..As it is my heart that gives me heartbeat and circulates blood for my being, not my brain and yeah i am a human, so i do miss certain things which i am sure will come back with time but till then i promise, that i will love you and whatever is inside me will be there forever and i will never bind you..
Lastly, this song will speak for me..

"Tu jeet meri, jug haar meri
Main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki"

Birthday Note

I can keep talking all day but still not express myself..I am not a writer but on occasion of his birthday..Just a note of gratitude to him..Just an expression to let you know that I care..I care about that  someone who is always a phone call away..The one who soothes everythin..An embodiment of fidelity..Does generously for everyone and someone who is responsible of teaching me better values and difficult ways..The patience and serenity i have learnt from this someone...Someone who has been special  in his own ways.. May be not the guy next door but definitely someone you can look upto..It has been too long i have known you..Thanks for supporting all my blunders and being there always..Thanks for letting me take you for granted..Thanks for always having strength to hear the truth and stand by me ..Thanks for always being true..Loyalty, Honesty and support... cute, simple n dearest one forever..You hold a special respect ..Thanks a lot for everything..Thanks for Saving me when i am have been stuck in hell of things.."Happy Birthday Mr. someone"   I hope you get the best of everything in life..!! Lov ya loads..Tones of Hugs.

The Super Manager

I wish to write, pour all my thoughts down..express all in me but am not a professional writer, i scribble random thoughts with intent to just share my unsaid... 

Random thoughts and mixed emotions gushing out of me but there are no words to frame them and pen dem down..all i can do is listen to some songs and speak to miself...there is bitterness in me today, confusions which do not let me sleep.. unanswered questions which make me ponder over muuch..

trying to figure out the diffrences in people, understndin and analyzing thought processes.. to whm all i had been good n bad, to where to draw the line? but no answers..Figurin out importance of money and consequences of havin excess..the blessing of bein a female, the human brain and its non-functioning in rel tionships..How does it all works?? How did the creator did it all ??  My manager cant handle a team of 100 ..then how does god manages nth times the number 100, is management in his genes..??