"No Strings Attached".....

Now that’s when I have finally got it. I have finally understood that one look which transitioned into a glance and beautifully changed to a stare...those silly bets that engraved memories till eternity..
The moments truth that became facts for lives..Silence and still the conversations that happened reaffirms my convictions and intuitions...Conversations over the cup of teas that dissolved the "no strings attached" and binded all...
Its not that I had not undergone this infactuation phase earlier but it was stronger and different. No one pacified that place in my life...
Strong insulting statements to soft unspoken promises..the journey was not a cake walk..Especially When both breathe high ambitions..
The hide and seek we play and silly tests we both fall in prey.. The fear of loosing and the attitude of "no strings attached" makes me sit and smile gently and I reread -

 Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin

Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti

Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi

Kuch lafz hain woh maangti

Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh

Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh

Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai

Ahsas hi ahsas hai

Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti

Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai

Jiska pata tumko bhi hai

Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai

Duniya se bhi chupta nahin

Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai...    

God and his forms...

Robbed a pencil box and a classmate's bag, coz he was showing me down, when I was five and lied my parents, and they slapped me took me to school, made me apologize infront of the complete assembly..being a rich father's pampered girl, choosing the right direction..I walked the opposite way..it got so inculcated in me, that my wants became like a drug intoxication to me, until i got them...
Be it a car, a phone, any friend..If I had to get to get something or do something I had too and there was never any alternative for that..dunt know whether to blame my sun sign for it or my soul.. lavish bringing up and narrow escape worked as a tool and the practice of the same made me flawless in the same and it was soo in me, that it came naturally after a period of time, so, natural that i never realized in the intoxication the moral voices in head... A princes in my own world.. Never defined wrong or right.. Things were either my way or right..
As I grew up, the world instead of becoming a larger place, knitted better, n shrunk..those narrow escapes, those manipulations for intoxication of my wants n needs started making me loose things and people..but i never cared... though, not the courage but inner morality took a backseat and the fear n insecurity took the path to stand up for truth in bain.. but then god exists and has several forms and the sufferings started to surface..and today, it was the final hearing.. have lost a lot but none left with an impression but this one which has been made today, has overshadowed and has the vitality of all in one.. i am a sinner, but am amazed how i still had an angel loving me secretively, protecting me and now before leaving made me felt it's existence forever in a way that shook my morality, woke it  ...so, that i don't loose anything in life again.. what love !! what form !! I feel what's being torn and happy at the same time...Thank you angel.. As my commitment to u for lifetime or as a token for your sufferings, I will evolve as a better person, with a fair morality and truth ...!!
penning it here, accepting it here is just a vent..but i love u too my angel !! Forever.. though, trust is not what I will be able to rebuild..dad once told me "years to build it and seconds to ruin" .. #TeachingForLife #FirstTeacherParents